Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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