when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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