Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
