I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
