so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
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The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
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I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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