Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
