Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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