My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize