so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
