Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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