woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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