oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
