I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize