I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
