It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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