Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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