on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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