I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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