You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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