Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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