Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
