I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
