Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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