Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
