My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sober January is a disaster.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
