I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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