what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
And then he peed in my hair
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