I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
