You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
