Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
is it fun? or sober?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
