I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
