I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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