It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
