This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
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Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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