You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
