so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
