my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
