I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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