Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
