if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
