i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize