i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
