your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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