I think I won the penis lottery.
Sober January is a disaster.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
