just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
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Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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