I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
