Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
