If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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