Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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