yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
