Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
