hotel room ftw
The maid of honor just puked.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
