When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
