She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
