i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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