I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
