Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
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