Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
