That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
