Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
