i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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