Yo dont text me then not text me
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
