If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
