Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
