I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
