i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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