he shaved USA in his pubs
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
