I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
