How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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