Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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