didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
