He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
