How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
