i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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