Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
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Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'