I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.