from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
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i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy