He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
