wat bout pragnant strippers??
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
