you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
