I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
